Don’t you just hate it when high school girls say things that totally contradict each other and don’t make any sense? Or even when high school girls just say anything at all? Here’s a really serious and dramatic yearbook letter bent on making a guy go emotionally insane with all of its idiotically encrypted, conflicting messages (my responses as a confused man will be in red – the color of…pms):

hey. i know you didn’t mean to hurt me or anything…BUT. you did. but i’m more disappointed than mad (this sounds like you’re mad disappointed) I know you’re sorry and I want to say that it’s ok but i can’t (you just said you wanted to though). like…i unno (me neither). i forgive you but it’s not okay (then you don’t forgive me). it doesn’t really make sense but i think you know what i mean (it doesn’t make sense, and I have no idea what you mean because it doesn’t make sense). and it’s not that we can’t be friends but more like i just can’t do it right now (so we’re not friends?). gimme some time and it’ll be okay. And yeah it’s gunna be pretty difficult. just know that i don’t hate you (I think I’m starting to hate you). i don’t think i ever will. i guess i’m just disappointed that you feel that way about me or were doubting who i am. eh that was horribly written but whatever. so yeah. i’ll be fine. just give me a while. don’t worry about it. lol. we’ll be friends in no time… (why is there a smiley face here?)

- Elaine (Senior Year, Arcadia High School 2006)

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Ok, chill out. I won’t ever double-dip my mozzarella sticks into your marinara sauce ever again…